You are sitting at the kitchen table with a notebook, a photo of your brother or sister, and a deadline from the local newspaper. The task feels urgent, but the details you need are scattered across birth certificates, family messages, and memories that have never been written down. Organising those pieces before you start to write will keep the obituary clear, respectful, and useful for anyone who reads it.
Standard elements and typical order
An obituary usually begins with the full name of the sibling, followed by age, date of death, and place of death. The next sentence often includes a brief statement of the cause of death, if the family chooses to disclose it. After that comes a concise paragraph that captures the essence of the person’s life, followed by a list of survivors and pre‑deceased relatives. The notice ends with details of the funeral or memorial service, any charitable donations, and the newspaper’s contact information for corrections.
Collecting the facts
Before any sentences are written, gather the essential data: legal name, any nicknames, birth date, date and place of death, and the names and relationships of immediate family members. Decide whether the cause of death will be mentioned, and if so, obtain the exact wording from the death certificate or the attending physician. Keep a separate list of dates for marriages, divorces, and notable milestones, as these may be referenced later. A simple checklist helps ensure nothing is missed.
Checklist:
1. Full legal name and any preferred name
2. Birth date and place
3. Date, time, and place of death
4. Cause of death (optional)
5. Spouse, children, parents, siblings
6. Pre‑deceased relatives
7. Service details and donation instructions
Deciding how to state the cause of death
The convention is to mention the cause of death only if the family is comfortable with it and if it is not overly graphic. A common phrasing is “after a brief illness” or “following complications from a heart attack.” When the cause is sensitive, families often choose a more general description such as “peacefully surrounded by family.” The wording should match the tone of the rest of the notice and respect the privacy wishes of close relatives.
Describing the sibling’s life
Focus on a few defining aspects rather than a chronological résumé. Mention interests, values, and the roles that mattered most—such as a mentor, a volunteer, or a hobbyist. A short anecdote can illustrate character without expanding into a full biography. Keep the paragraph to two sentences at most, using language that feels natural and avoids jargon. The goal is to give readers a sense of who the person was, not a complete list of achievements.
Listing survivors and pre‑deceased relatives
Survivors are usually listed in order of closeness: spouse, children, parents, siblings, then extended family. When the family structure is complex—step‑siblings, half‑siblings, or blended families—group individuals by relationship and note the connection, for example, “step‑brother John Doe.” Pre‑deceased relatives are mentioned after survivors, often introduced with “pre‑deceased” to avoid confusion. If the list becomes long, consider a concise format such as “survived by his wife, two sons, and three grandchildren.”
Checklist for naming:
1. Spouse/partner
2. Children (including step‑children)
3. Parents (or “surviving mother”)
4. Siblings (including half‑ and step‑siblings)
5. Grandchildren
6. Pre‑deceased relatives (clearly labeled)
Length and format
Newspaper obituaries are typically limited to 150–250 words, which forces a concise presentation of facts and a brief life summary. Funeral program tributes can be longer, ranging from 300 to 800 words, allowing for more personal reflections and a longer list of survivors. Choose the length that matches the venue: a brief notice for public publication and an expanded version for the family’s own program.
Where to publish and what it costs
Obituaries can be placed in local newspapers, on funeral‑home websites, or through dedicated online memorial platforms. Print placements often charge a base fee plus a per‑line cost; the total can vary from a modest amount to a few hundred dollars depending on size and circulation. Online options may be free or require a subscription, and they often allow longer text and photo uploads. Compare rates and deadlines before deciding.
Worth remembering: Gather all factual details first, decide on the level of privacy for the cause of death, and follow the standard order—name, dates, life summary, survivors, service information—to keep the obituary clear and respectful.
Common questions
What should I include?
Begin with the sibling’s full name, age, date and place of death, then a brief life summary, a list of survivors and pre‑deceased relatives, and finally service details and donation instructions.
How long should it be?
For newspaper notices aim for 150–250 words; for a funeral program a longer tribute of 300–800 words is acceptable, allowing more personal detail.
What common mistakes should I avoid?
Avoid turning the notice into a full résumé, omitting key family members, using overly graphic cause‑of‑death language, and exceeding the word limit for the chosen publication.