You receive a call that your spouse has passed away. In the days that follow, a newspaper or website will ask for a brief notice that tells friends and distant relatives what happened, who survived, and when services will be held. The notice also becomes a permanent record that may be kept in a family album or a funeral programme. Writing it involves collecting dates, names, and personal details, then shaping them into a clear, respectful piece that fits the chosen venue. The steps below walk you through the process from gathering facts to final approval.
Standard Elements and Order
Most obituaries follow a predictable sequence: the full name of the deceased, age at death, place of residence, date and place of death, a brief statement of the cause of death (if desired), a short paragraph about the person’s life, a list of survivors, a list of pre‑deceased relatives, and finally details of the funeral or memorial service. The order can be adjusted slightly for space, but keeping the structure familiar helps readers locate the information they need quickly. When the notice is for a newspaper, the format is usually condensed to fit a single column, while a funeral programme can allow a longer narrative.
Gathering the Facts
Before you sit down to write, compile a simple fact sheet. Include the spouse’s full legal name, any commonly used nicknames, date of birth, date of death, and the city or town where they lived at the time of death. Record the names of children, grandchildren, siblings, and parents, noting any who have already passed away. Also decide whether you will mention the cause of death and, if so, how much detail to give. Keeping this information in a notebook or spreadsheet prevents errors and makes it easier to share with other family members for verification.
Deciding How to State the Cause of Death
The cause of death can be listed in a single phrase—”after a brief illness,” “following a heart attack,” or simply “peacefully”—or omitted entirely. Newspapers often prefer a brief, non‑graphic description, while a private funeral programme can be more specific if the family wishes. If the cause is sensitive, discuss with close relatives whether to use a neutral term or a medical description. Remember that the decision is a personal choice; there is no legal requirement to disclose details unless a specific institution, such as a cemetery, asks for them.
Writing the Life Narrative
A paragraph or two should capture the essence of the spouse without becoming a résumé. Focus on the roles they valued—parent, partner, community volunteer, hobbyist—and a few concrete memories that illustrate those roles. Use simple language: “She loved gardening and taught her grandchildren how to grow tomatoes,” rather than listing every job title. Keep the tone factual and avoid overly flowery adjectives; the goal is to give readers a clear picture of who the person was, not to create a literary tribute.
Listing Survivors and Pre‑Deceased Relatives
Survivors are usually listed after the life paragraph, grouped by relationship: children, grandchildren, siblings, parents, and close friends. If the family structure is complex—step‑children, adopted children, or multiple marriages—list each group separately and use clear labels, such as “step‑daughter” or “adopted son.” Pre‑deceased relatives are listed in a separate line, often introduced with “Pre‑deceased:” followed by names and relationships. This separation prevents confusion and respects the memory of those who have already passed.
Choosing Length and Venue
Newspaper obituaries are typically limited to 150‑200 words, which forces a concise presentation of facts and a brief life summary. Funeral programmes, on the other hand, can accommodate a longer tribute of 300‑500 words, allowing more anecdotes and photographs. Online memorial sites often have no strict word limit but may charge a fee for featured placement. Costs vary: a small local paper might charge a modest fee per column inch, while larger publications charge a flat rate for a standard notice. Compare options and decide what fits your budget and the intended audience.
Final Review and Submission
Before sending the draft to a newspaper or printing service, share it with at least one other close family member. Ask them to verify names, dates, and relationships, and to flag any unintended omissions. A quick read‑aloud can also reveal awkward phrasing. Once the content is confirmed, follow the publication’s submission guidelines—most accept a plain‑text email or an online form. Keep a copy of the final version for your records and for inclusion in any future family history projects.
Worth remembering: Collect accurate dates and names first, then follow the standard obituary order, keeping each section concise and factual; a brief family review before submission ensures correctness.
Common questions
What should I include?
Include the full name, age, residence, dates of birth and death, optional cause of death, a short life paragraph, lists of survivors and pre‑deceased relatives, and service details.
How long should it be?
Newspaper notices are usually 150‑200 words; funeral programmes can range from 300‑500 words, and online memorials often have no strict limit.
What common mistakes should I avoid?
Avoid overly detailed CV‑style listings, incorrect relationships, and ambiguous cause‑of‑death statements; also double‑check spelling and dates before submission.